Growing up in the 1970s, Desiree-Anne Martin learnt there was an unspoken rule in her home, one that is captured in the rather apt title of her book, We don’t talk about it. Ever.
Martin recently spoke of the controversial topics she explores in her book at the Adam Small Literary Festival in Pniël.
“To the outside world, everything looked absolutely perfect in our family,” she related. “We lived in an affluent suburb, the one we were allowed to because of our skin colour. We were called the ‘super coloureds’. We had the swimming pool, my dad had the company car and my brother and I attended a private school.”
But hers was very far from the perfect family.
“On the inside it was absolutely rotting. There was domestic violence, destructive dysfunctionality, addiction, co-dependency, infidelity and abuse – all of that was happening, and we weren’t allowed to talk about it.”
She said being part of her family life taught her the ability to keep secrets, particularly about who she really was on the inside.
“If anything, I ended up not knowing who I really was at all. I became whoever you wanted me to be. When I finally got around to writing the truth, I was filled with this overwhelming compulsion to tell the truth, because I felt as if I had inherited, without my permission, a legacy of secrets and lies from my parents.”
As a mother of two daughters Martin said she felt the need to break this cycle. “There are so many topics explored in this book. It’s my truth, my experience and my recollections of a life I lived that I needed to purge in order to break the cycle for my daughters.”
Martin, a counsellor by day, said she became an intravenous heroin addict after trying to “fix” her heroin-addicted boyfriend.
Addiction is also one of the topics she explores in her book.
“The book is not just about addiction. It’s about identity, dysfunctionality, relationships, abuse, trauma and mental health.”
The message she conveyed in her talk at the literary festival, and what she also wants people to take from the book, is “there is always hope.
“That is what I truly believe. It is one of my mantras. The other mantra I have is ‘speak your truth’, especially about addiction, abuse and mental health issues. A lot of people are still scared to speak about such experiences because of all the fear and shame that surround them.
“This makes it harder for people to access the help they need, because everyone is still worried about what people will say.”
